My none will and testament

To my family and loved ones I hereby leave you several months possibly years of financial hardship and expense while you go to unnecessary lengths to sort out my affairs.

To my spouse or partner I hereby leave you some but probably not all of what I own.

To my children I hereby leave you the remainder of my estate including the family home, which you must sell to realise your inheritance.

To social services if my children are orphaned on my death I hereby give you the power to choose who should look after them including sending them to unknown foster parents

To the taxman I herby leave you all the tax I could have avoided paying and would have been able to leave to my family.

To the local authority I hereby authorise you to force the sale of my family home and liquidate any investments I have to pay for my care. I realise this could make the local authority the major beneficiary to my estate.

To my disabled family members I herby leave you funds to replace any state funded benefits you receive so they can give that money to others who are not related to me.

To my children and grandchildren if you divorce I hereby instruct you to ensure that half of what I have left you is payable to your ex partner so they ample money to look after their new spouse and any children they have.

To my solicitor and or bank I hereby I hereby authorise you what ever you feel necessary to sort out the mess I have left behind.

To everyone else I leave nothing

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